Finals are fast upon us, or possibly crumbling around you as we speak, if you’re an art major. It is all too easy to feel overwhelmed. Fun fact: This is why bears hibernate, not out of biologic necessity but to avoid responsibility.You are not a bear and therefore do not deserve the privileges of hibernation. To help you cope with this fact, I have put together Clarence Mjork’s top five ways to keep sane during finals.
5. Eat, but do it right. It’s easy to either not eat enough or eat too much of the wrong stuff. God knows I can eat three whole giant tubs of cheese puffs in a sitting. Was it worth the week of orange fingers and apologizing to everyone in the locker room? Maybe. Was I on top of my scholastic game? No.
4. Get up at the right time. This will require you to know your finals schedule ahead of time, so you can set a crazy number of alarms on your cell phone. If you decide to take a nap before your final, you might want to put a note on yourself that reads “If I am still asleep at X o’clock, you have permission to slap me”. People are more willing to be good Samaritans if they are offered up a chance to slap someone.
3. Drink your favorite brand of study brew, and stick with it. Finals week is not a time to start experimenting with strange new combinations of Five-Hour Energy, Red Bull and meth. Come to think of it, there probably isn’t ever a time to do that. If you drink coffee, drink your normal amount.
2. Get some sleep. This sounds clichéd but fatigue is a tricky master. If you do find yourself low on sleep from the night before, try the 15-minute power nap. To make sure this doesn’t turn into a three hour nap, refer back to tip four.
1. If you’re having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son, you’ve got 99 problems and your test ain’t done. Finals week is not the time to start a relationship, nor is it a good time to end one. If you are in a relationship, take your partner out on a nice date this weekend and then apologize for the future sleep-deprived stress ball you are about to become. They’ll understand.
