“He canceled on me at the last minute again!” or perhaps, “She suddenly remembered she already had plans.” Yes, I’m talking about flakers. Many of us have dealt with them, and if you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. This weekend, I pondered why this happens.
By “flaking” I mean giving your number to a guy/girl with no intention of anything happening between you, canceling date plans at the last minute or suddenly pushing a potential interest away after sparks start to fly.
Out of curiosity, I used Google to see what other people were saying about flakers. My first search was, “Why do women flake?” There were 5,740,000 results. My next search was “Why do men flake?” 17,200,000 results. Clearly this happens to more than just nerds like me.
At this point I decided to venture out and gather the opinions of strangers. The first person I asked told me, “My problem is I have a hard time saying no. I want to be nice.” She continued to tell me about a guy she had made out with once, but who wouldn’t stop texting her afterward. She admitted she was flaky, but at the same time, the guy just didn’t take the hint.
The next woman I asked admitted she had flaked on guys too. She said she gives out her phone number because it’s less awkward than rejection and “giving them your number gets them to leave feeling satisfied.”
But girls aren’t the only ones who flake. A female friend once complained about a guy who flaked on date plans twice, so I asked him why. It turns out that A) those plans had been made when he was hammered and B) he couldn’t bring himself to tell her he wasn’t interested.
I posted my question on Reddit and received answers from men and women. One man related a story: When he first met the girl sparks flew, but after it became clear her grating personality outweighed her physical attractiveness, he distanced himself. A female commenter said there have been times she’s given out her number only after being incessantly pestered for it by a guy. At that point, she had zero intention of seeing him again.
One commenter summed it up best: “There are times when you just don't feel like saying, ‘I'm not interested in you.’"
It seems to be clear at this point. Flaking is indirect rejection. Fear of rejection runs rampant, but so does the fear of rejecting someone else. Even when you do, those rejected demand to know why.
Maybe this little investigation shed some light on negative experiences with flakers you’ve had, or maybe it just made you hate them more. All I can say is, try not to take it personally. After all, flakers gonna flake.
