DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers.
In this article, two editors face off in a head-to-head debate over whether or not to wear pants during the pandemic. If you have an opinion on this topic, let us know at ExponentOpinion@montana.edu!
Pants: Providing Urgency During the Pandemic
By News Editor Grace Larsen
In the midst of this pandemic, motivation is at an all time low. College students are going to bed at 1 a.m., waking up at noon and losing any sort of schedule they maintained while normal classes were in session.
Don’t get me wrong, I love relaxing over winter break and during the summer when such slothful practices are normal and somewhat socially acceptable for those in my age range. The big problem with this current downward spike in motivation is that our spring classes haven’t been cancelled, they’ve just been moved online. I still have to do things.
How do I solve this pressing issue of wanting to stay in my bed eating chocolate-dipped popcorn and watching YouTube videos all day? I’ll tell you. I put on a pair of skinny jeans.
Well, sometimes it’s a pair of cute patterned joggers, but at least I put on pants, okay? Once the pants are buttoned, zipped or tied (however they may be secured around my waist region), it feels as if I have stepped into an alternate universe.
Suddenly, I am a productivity queen.
I can tackle upwards of 56 Zoom calls in one sitting, I eat strictly fresh greens and pressed juice and my home office is organized, glistening in the sunlight and containing the remnants of my hard work day-in and day-out throughout this quarantine.
But seriously, a huge part of the laziness and associated guilt coming out of the stay-at-home movement is due to the fact that people know they aren’t going to be seen by the public eye for days on end — they don’t shower regularly, perhaps they don’t brush their teeth and they stay in the same hoodie and sweatpants for multiple days at a time.
Seeing as COVID-19 is no laughing matter and people will likely be encouraged by state officials to stay at home for multiple more weeks, we need to collectively beat the lethargy that is clinging to all of us. We must unite to get out of our beds (whether that’s physically or mentally, I’m not judging), put our big boy (or girl) pants on and slay our days, however that looks for you. Sticking to the same morning routine that you’ve held for all of your usual working / school days is key to remaining sane during this pandemic. Impress yourself. Wake up at 7 a.m., shower thoroughly, brush your teeth, do your hair, put on a respectable outfit, drink some coffee and get going with your day. We can do this, together.
Business on Top and Nothing on Bottom
By Editor-in-Chief Caleb Rux
In the midst of the world’s first pandemic in over a decade, there are many burning questions. How should the U.S. respond? When will it peak? Who is most at risk? But none more burning than should I wear pants while social distancing in my home?
The answer is NO.
More than just no, it’s an overwhelmingly no.
I am tired of people trying to guilt others into dressing nice while being stuck at home behind their screens. If Carol wants to stay at home and play dress up, that’s fine. But those of us who prefer to stay at home, binge Netflix, eat Doritos and share a beer with friends over Zoom (you know who you are) should not and will not feel pressured to slink on a pair of uncomfortable jeans. Let me ask you this: when was the last time you saw someone’s pants during a Zoom meeting? I’ll save you some time – the answer is never. Take advantage of the little freedom you do have and strip yourself from unnecessary restraints.
Life is short. It’s fragile. Most importantly, life doesn’t care if you have or have not been wearing pants. In any case, this is a rare time at which one is granted a pants sabbatical. Free of judgement and free of Levi’s™. And to this, I say carpe diem. Take advantage of the time you can sit at home in shorts, or even better in your tighty-whities and be just as productive. Soon enough, we will all be back at the office or in class letting society dictate our “fits.” So take control of your life and your wardrobe for the time being.
I think we all can agree that this situation is less than ideal, so why make it worse? Why can’t there be some sort of silver lining in all of this?
After all, it’s a pan-demic, not a pants-demic.
Moving forward, don’t succumb to peer pressure from Delusional Debbies and Judgmental Judys. Don’t be afraid to adopt the method of business on top and nothing on bottom.