A family of mice, residing in Miller Dining Commons, have recently announced a lawsuit against MSU. The suit alleges that the entire family of rodents suffered from food poisoning after being served what MSU culinary services referred to as “a hearty breakfast”.
In a somewhat ironic coincidence, the head of the mousehold is a highly regarded food critic and is disappointed by the apparent lack of effort on the part of the Miller kitchen staff. “You know, I really expected more from such a highly regarded institution,” said Mr. Musculus, a devoted husband and father of approximately one zillion. “My whole life revolves around food and I just wish the crumbs and crusts around here had a little more flavor, a little more character.”
Flavor aside, the alleged poisoning has potentially massive ramifications for MSU and the United States justice system as a whole. There is little precedent for cases such as this one because, as far as records show, a rodent has never initiated a lawsuit before in this country. Some experts speculate that the lack of litigation on the part of mice is due to the perception that mice cannot speak or even think rationally. “This really came as a shock,” said Montana Supreme Court Justice, Dirf B. Sanderfurf. “Never in my life did I expect to hear a case as high-stakes as this one. Everyone wants to be the first to do something, and these mice gave me that opportunity.”
The case is set to be heard this fall, but the Musculus family is doing its best to accelerate the timeline. “Mice only live about 18 months,” said the Musculus family spokesperson, “So it’s important to get this process moving before the entire family dies of old age.”
The mice will continue to reside in Miller Dining Commons until further notice and will keep holding MSU to high standards for their food.