DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers. 

With only a few short weeks until the ASMSA Elections, a new initiative has just been added to the ballot by MSU President Wadad Czarzado. The new head-scratching proposal takes the Wellness Center motion a couple (or maybe a dozen) steps further.

Czarzado calls it the MSU Wholeness Center. The proposal is aimed toward making all of MSU (duck pond included) one building. Everything from residence halls to chemistry labs to the campus rec center would be put under one gigantic roof that is personally guaranteed by Czarzado herself to be capable of holding up under massive snow loads…hmm, remind you of anything?

“I will build a great Wholeness Center — and nobody builds better than me, believe me — and I'll build it very inexpensively. I will build a great, great Wholeness Center around our entire border, and I will make University of Montana pay for it. Mark my words” Czarzado said with conviction during an interview with the Exponent, later adding, “This, this my dear Bobcats, is truly a whole-listic approach!”

She also went on to emphasize the importance of thinking about the future. Attempting to sell me on the project she claimed, “MSU has the opportunity to blaze the trail. If this passes, we will solidify ourselves as a model university for years to come.”

Czarzado’s proposal, if passed, would launch the largest construction project any land-grant university has seen. But, with a $2 billion price tag, this project is anything but cheap. But, never to fear, the University of Montana (UM) will pay for it! — the University known for its continued growth and abundant funds. Wrong!

I took it upon myself to do a bit of quick arithmetic on the back of a napkin. If each UM student contributed $100 million toward the monumental project, there would still be $1 billion left unaccounted for. I think it goes without saying that UM paying for it is all but out the window. 

Either way, in a few weeks we will see how this all shakes out. Soon MSU may actually be enveloped by construction. Bobcats, as the election approaches think carefully about your vote, as it may affect Bobkittens down the road.

Recommended for you