Mustaches: Hot or Not?

For all the fellas out there, this is for you. Do you want to know the key to a woman’s heart, specifically the ones in Bozeman? Look no further than your own face. 

The handlebar, chevron, English, lampshade, pencil, horseshoe — mustache styles are endless, and chances are you’ve seen most of them strutting around campus. Bozeman is truly experiencing a stache epidemic. 

No harm, no foul — if you think you can grow a stache and pull it off, by all means, please do. After all, here at MSU, no stache might mean no romantic luck.

At an Exponent tabling event on Oct. 8, students were eager to participate in a poll asking whether mustaches are hot or not. The results were practically unanimous in favor of mustaches — as they should be. 

“I'm a big advocate for mustaches. I think they are just fantastic,” said Kenna Sandler, a modern languages major. Sandler said a good stache frosted from skiing is her kryptonite. This look is a definite chef's kiss. Personally, I’ve got a weakness for the parted pencil. Bonus points if it’s paired with a goatee. 

Even men — whether they have one or not — can agree that a nicely trimmed mustache is where it’s at. 

“I think mustaches are super hot. I think it’s a fun addition to your face,” said Ezra Merrill, a physics major with the best handlebar stache I’ve ever seen. He said that having a mustache adds personality to one’s face. Fortunately, he joked, some men don’t even have to try. “I’ve always had a mustache. I was born with one,” Merrill said.

If you are a man who can grow a nice stache, good on you. However, beware, not all facial hair is welcome. 

“I hate beards. Beards are just not my vibe. I think they look unhygienic and I think they look unstyled,” Sandler said. 

I honestly agree. If I am going to get down with a beard, it needs to be in tip-top shape. There can not be any scraggle-hair action or patchwork. It has to be obvious that effort was put in. Let’s be real, some of you guys only grow a beard because shaving is annoying, not because you actually want one. Commit to the bit or quit. If you can’t put in the effort for your facial hair, it’s clear you can’t put in any effort for a relationship. 

In addition to beards being a hit or miss, other facial hair styles can walk a fine line. 

According to Casey Jones, a pre-med major, you should be careful about how you style your facial hair, as it might give off the wrong impression. 

“Too much [gives] pedo-vibes and sh--t,” he said. “Don’t be a pedophile, but grow out a mustache. Live a little bit.” 

The consensus is clear: facial hair should attract, not detract from one’s face. The pedo-stache — a fuller-filled mustache, such as the painter’s brush or lampshade — is a trend right now, but if it doesn’t match your face or your energy is questionable, it can send the message that you’re perhaps a perv. If you do decide to rock this stache style, make sure you do it right. 

We all know that the ability to grow a mustache really comes down to genetics. It’s a luck of the draw situation. Those who are genetically blessed with that good ol’ lip caterpillar have an advantage. 

But hey, if you're not in this category, don't worry. There's always charm, wit and a good personality. Skipping the stache and leaning into what makes you special is always a win.