Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers.
Sports are over for at least another month, and possibly longer. As measures are taken to prevent the spread of COVID-19, the NFL has taken action to give the fans what they want while keeping them safe at home. The NFL has announced that next season will take place exclusively using virtual reality. This week, Commissioner Goger Roodell made the decision public in an online press conference to a group of confused fans and media members.
“I think business will go back to normal,” said Roodell. “I can’t imagine this idea not working.”
The experience will allow athletes to compete remotely with the help of body sensors and VR headsets. The changes will tailor to a safe environment while allowing teams to continue competitive contests. Business executives responsible for presenting this opportunity to the NFL believe their ideas will change the future for good.
“It’s about time they decided to listen to us,” said Macrosoft CEO Bill Doors. “We can now let fans and players experience the game from anywhere. Spectators can be in the headset of the quarterback, seeing exactly what they see in real time. This fan friendly experience is so appealing, we expect other leagues to follow suit. If it works like we hope, people will never have to leave their homes again.”
With the announcement came mixed reactions from team owners. Many organizations are excited for the expected revenue from the games, but several teams refused to acknowledge its validity.
“I’m livid!” said Billy Bellycheck. “I’m expected to believe these people with their robot glasses will respect the tradition of the game? Vince Lombardi and other legends of the game are rolling in their graves!”
According to the commissioner, rosters will remain mostly intact after the players union quickly negotiated job protections for all of its league members. Although the athletes will maintain their salaries, the teams are allowed one additional roster spot to sign someone to prepare for the season, adding an exciting twist to the free agency market. GMs are using unique methods to maximize their opportunity to compete for a Super Bowl.
Several private workouts and open tryout sessions are being held by various teams to sign a game changing VR superstar to give their squad an advantage. Gamer guys and gals from various gaming communities including Madden, Fortnite, League of Legends and CS Go are dropping everything at the chance of becoming a football legend.
“My abilities inside and outside of the headset set me apart from the others,” said Bozeman resident and NFL VR hopeful Vylan Dogel. “I fought my way through Area 51, now I’m gonna bring my grit and determination to the virtual gridiron.”
Despite the pushback from a few individuals, this new season will give people the opportunity to test out the future of the sport. With the game’s apparent safety concerns, this may be the perfect opportunity to evolve America’s sport. Truly this could be the ultimate advancement and, if it works out, expect other sports leagues around the world to follow suit.