Don’t let your bae steal your focus

So many of us take college relationships too seriously — including me. In the past year, I’ve had two relationships. The first was with someone I lived with and put all my energy and time into. I thought we were going to get married, and while I consciously knew my schoolwork should be my priority, I was subconsciously more interested in fostering my relationship. I focused more on the growth of my relationship than my personal growth.

Over time, I realized that he just wasn’t for me and I wanted to focus on myself. Our breakup, though, was so emotionally charged that it pulled me away from my schoolwork even more.

Of course, not everyone’s relationship is like the one I had — but so many aspects of romantic relationships are inherently distracting. From falling in love to making time for dates to breaking up, serious relationships ultimately pull you away from school.

I wanted to get my peers’ perspectives, so I asked 15 students whether college relationships are worth it. Five said no, nine said yes and graphic design student Taylor Johnson said it simply “depends on the person.”

The nine students who said yes agreed that it’s worth it only if you put yourself first and use it as a vehicle for growth.

“It’s worth it for the character development,” said former MSU student Brooke Wickens.

Film student Clayton Stoner said he believes college relationships “give you an opportunity, in a more sandbox environment, to mature emotionally with less high stakes.”

Jada Pierson, a political science student, said “Even if it doesn’t last forever, it’s still worth it because people will never understand you the way they do in college. We’re still in a vulnerable stage in our development, so we let our guard down more.”

Quite a few of my friends also feel like they slack on homework and skip class because they’re too busy obsessing about some strange thing their boyfriend said or generally trying to make time for their relationship even when they don’t have it.

I took that same all-or-nothing mentality I had into my next relationship, this time with someone who was in school. We both tried to push our busy schedules and cluttered minds aside to hang out all the time and talk every day. It was just too much of a distraction. Eventually, we had to re-evaluate how much time and energy we were willing to commit to each other.

I’m officially in my senior year, and I’m just now realizing that I need to put school first — and how to actually put it first.

It is worth it to have a college sweetheart, but you need to set boundaries and put your own growth first. Don’t close yourself off to relationships just because you need to focus on school, but don’t let it distract you either. Don’t take things too seriously, have fun and let it contribute to your growth rather than hinder it.

To do this, set boundaries by having honest conversations about how often you actually have time to see each other and talk. You might find that your relationship actually grows stronger if you don’t text every day. Lean into your hobbies and set a schedule for yourself. Try to take things day-by-day instead of diving in. Put yourself first. College relationships should feel like a fun way to grow and spend free time, not a daunting responsibility.