Letter to the Editor: From Jill C.

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The content of this article contains graphic descriptions of sexual violence. Readers who may find this content distressing are encouraged to proceed with care.

By: Jill C.

On August 26, 2006, I was an incoming Junior at MSU. As I drove into Bozeman that afternoon, I marveled at the beauty of the mountains in early fall and felt a familiar excited anticipation for the semester ahead. I looked forward to meeting up with friends at a party that night to celebrate our reunion after a summer apart.

In the early hours of the next morning, high up in the mountains I loved, I regained consciousness in the passenger seat of a car while someone I had trusted implicitly was in the middle of raping me. I was extremely intoxicated, shocked and scared. I saw the stars peeking out from above the trees and wondered if this was where I was going to die.

It wasn’t until later, when we drove under the first street lights at the edge of town, that I realized that I wasn’t about to be killed and dumped in the mountains. I began to cry hysterically, which prompted my abuser to say, “I thought you wanted that.” I said, “Of course I didn’t. How could you think I did?” He said, “You didn’t fight back.”

Oh. I guess I didn’t. I guess if I was REALLY being raped, I would have objected, right? It didn’t matter that I was fully unconscious when he assaulted me and I couldn’t have protested (or consented) even if I wanted to.

For weeks, I struggled to understand what had happened. I finally confided in a friend and she encouraged me to contact Campus Police. When they learned that this attack didn’t occur on campus, they said there was nothing they could do and directed me to the Bozeman Police Department. At no point did they inform me of other options, such as filing a Conduct Violation Report with the University. With cold indifference, the University washed its hands of the situation.

When I spoke with an officer at the Bozeman Police Department, he told me right away that if I chose to make an official report, the likelihood of conviction was slim to none. I’d waited too long for them to collect evidence, my attacker didn’t have a criminal record, my memory was hazy, and there were no witnesses to the attack. On top of that, did I really want all of this to become public? Did I want my family to know that I had been breaking the law by drinking underage? Was this maybe just morning-after regret? Could I live with ruining my attacker’s life? After all, he came from an upstanding Montana family and volunteered in the community. He wouldn’t be able to do that anymore if I made the report. Wouldn’t it be easier to forget the whole thing and move on?

So I didn’t make a report. I vaguely understood that this experience wasn’t aligning with the mandatory campus safety and sexual assault orientation we were given as incoming freshmen, but I didn’t have the capacity to protest. Instead, I fell into a spiral of shame, isolation, depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation. I couldn’t look at the mountains without wanting to vomit. I had panic attacks in cars. I had night terrors so severe that I thought I was losing my grip on reality. 

It wasn’t until I connected with the VOICE Center many months later that I found solace. By becoming a volunteer advocate, I could at least help students like me when they were at their lowest and give them the support I wished I’d received. 

What makes my story so bleak is its mundanity. As we're reminded by the horrific Cornell sexual assault case, I’m one of millions who have experienced sexual violence in a collegiate environment without justice. Until institutions like MSU and Cornell are held accountable for allowing rape culture to thrive, there will be millions more. It breaks my heart that in the twenty years since I was assaulted, we haven’t come close to fixing the issue. In fact, current students at MSU have fewer resources than I did. The VOICE Center, which was dismantled as a standalone entity in 2024, was a lifeline for me. I genuinely don’t know if I would have survived without it.

We have to use the energy of this outrage to demand more from the institutions that are supposed to protect us. You deserve safety and justice. I’m so sorry that this fight has become your fight, but those who came before you will be fighting alongside you. I encourage my fellow alums to withhold donations from the MSU Alumni Foundation until the University shows that it’s taking action to repair the harm it has caused. 

In the meantime, take care of yourselves and each other. We keep us safe.

In solidarity,

Jill C., Class of 2008

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, support is available. Learn more about reporting options and seek confidential counseling through the following resources: 

MSU Campus Civil Rights: Visit montana.edu/civilrights to learn about reporting options and available resources.

MSU Counseling and Psychological Services: Students can access confidential mental health support by visiting montana.edu/counseling