Bridger Bowl will be doubling available terrain for 2023-2024 season

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers and should not be construed as truth.

As Bozeman’s population increases at a seemingly exponential rate, the local ski area, Bridger Bowl, has received a truly unprecedented amount of traffic. 

As the resort struggles to accommodate all the new skiers, they’ve declared a 100% increase of available terrain for next season. You heard that right: Bridger Bowl will be doubling their skiable acreage for the 2023-2024 winter season.

Sources say the organization intends to build a few lifts on the west-facing side of the ski hill as well as a chair connecting the base of Schlasman’s to the top of Saddle Peak.

The Bridger Bowl Association explained their reasoning for the change. Chairman of the association Brennan Lesly, expressed his thoughts.

“It's what the people want, and it's exactly what the resort needs. The more terrain available, the more skiers we’ll attract, and the more sick ski movie clips we’ll help create,” he said. It appears the Association truly has the ski community's best interests in mind.

The mountain intends on redirecting funds from the Bridger Bowl Ski School Program in order to finance the renovations. 

“Ski lessons are so out of style. Who needs to take pointers from some old ex racer guy about how to properly carve? Who even carves anymore anyways? I digress. People need to learn out there, on their own at the top of cliffs or the middle of narrow chutes. That's why we’re opening the terrain. It's so that people can get better.” Lesly explained.

Bridger Bowl ridge enthusiast, Frankie Anderson, locally known as ‘Frankie Fracture,’ is thrilled by the news. “It’s about time Bridger increases their terrain,” Anderson said, adjusting the sling on his right arm. “I, for one, have always wanted to ski the west side. People like to say it’s dangerous because there is much less snow, but I like the danger. That's how you get better. You’re not brave if you’re not scared. All these yuppy Bridger midway lappers need to step aside because the age of big mountain skiing is upon us,” Anderson said. 

The Excrement tried to track down Fracture for more interviews the following day, but he was unresponsive. His friends say he was last seen at the top of the infamous bridger ridge line, ‘Sabers Slice’ without a helmet on, holding a 16oz can of PBR.

“It's pretty crazy,” said one friend of Andersons, Sam Philips, also often referred to as ‘Sendy Sam,’ “I think Frankie is just so excited about the new terrain for next season; he's just gone full throttle – and just two days after sustaining a broken arm injury. He’s truly an inspiration,” Philips said.

Sit tight, Bozeman skiers, because more is coming. Our ski hill is going to get bigger and badder than ever. According to Lesly, “This generation of skiers is prepared for this. This is the sport's natural progression. It's time to stop worrying about injury and embrace the send.”