Fetish Ball Unveils Bozeman’s Kinkier Side

Please be advised that the following article contains sexual themes that may not be suitable for all audiences. The content includes discussions of sexual acts, intimate relationships and adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.  

Do we have your attention now? Yeah, we thought so, you rascal. 

Bozeman saw a whole new side of the community emerge with the resurrection of the Fetish Ball last Saturday, Feb. 10. A group of like-minded individuals came together after a three-year hiatus to host the Fetish Ball for the Bozeman community.

“It really started with a few kinksters, getting together and going like, we need to do something exciting. And that turned into we should dress up, have fun and dance. And then, we wanna reach the community and we wanna make a difference,” said co-organizer of the Fetish Ball Frankie, who requested their last name be omitted in the interest of confidentiality.

Previously held in the Beall Recreation Center and The Baxter, the organizers decided they needed more room to party and host more folks, according to Frankie. Thus, the 2024 Fetish Ball was held in the Eagles Ballroom on Main Street and 250 tickets were sold, with 100% of proceeds going towards the Bozeman Help Center.

The Bozeman Help Center serves as a local crisis and suicide resource center available 24/7. It is a vital support system accessible to those in need, whether for themselves or their loved ones. The center extends assistance not only to individuals contemplating suicide but also offers support to adult and child survivors of sexual assault.

Members of the LGBTQIA+ and the fetish community face stigma in their daily lives, according to the Fetish Ball organizers. Creating safe spaces within the fetish community is critical in combating the many surrounding misconceptions.

“BDSM in history has been pathologized as problematic and it's not. It's a huge misinformation of truthfully consenting adults. I think where some of this education is really important because of how inclusive it is — and we're all a little kinky. Right?” said sex therapist and foundress of Oh Hi Collective Hannah Wilson said. BDSM stands for bondage, discipline/ dominance, sadism/ submission, masochism.

Founded by Wilson in 2021, Oh Hi Collective is an organization that provides sex education, sex therapy and is a community event organizer. Wilson has her Ph.D. in clinical sexology with a certification in kink-consciousness, is an American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists certified sex therapist, a licensed clinical professional counselor, sex and relationship educator and owner of Prickly Peach Sex Therapy.

Oh Hi Collective hosts many different events throughout the year, including a monthly “Kink Coffee Chat” where community members gather and talk about anything and everything.

Since there has been a stigma around the community for centuries, discrete communication of desire became a hallmark of the community, according to Fetish Ball-goer Aaron, who also requested their last name be omitted in the interest of confidentiality. The community is rooted in gay history succeeding World War II, which started the tradition of fetish and kink signaling in the community.

“The BDSM that we know started in the gay leather biker bars after World War II, [for] all the men coming out of the military, being gay was taboo. And so it was all about hyper-masculine, manly men. And they used a lot of code to signal who they were and what they wanted. I'm flagging black left. If you look up the bandana code, you'll see,” Aaron said.

The bandana code Aaron is referring to has two tiers. A bandana or handkerchief worn on the left side of the body signals a top or dominant role, while the right side signals a bottom or submissive role. The second tier of the handkerchief code is the color, which signals which scene or sex act a party-goer may be seeking.

If “Fifty Shades of Grey” has failed to prepare you for a vocab lesson, let us educate you on some key terms. Don't worry, we also had to ask.

According to Wilson, there is a difference between a kink and a fetish in a clinical setting, however the terms are used more interchangeably in the community.

“Sex is vanilla and a kink is a little bit of vanilla bean and that can be anything from spanking to pulling hair to dirty talk,” Wilson said.

“When you start to move into fetish, there's usually an objectification component and it's usually an object.” These objects may include but are not limited to shoes, fishnets, leather and ropes according to Wilson.

However, a paraphilia is usually an objectification of a person. “Like, having a foot fetish because you're objectifying a human,” she said.

Owner of Erotique and co-organizer of the Fetish Ball Billy McWilliams spoke on the importance of communication in not only the fetish community, but also in everyday life. “Sometimes when I talk about [education], I think, look, if you're gonna do something kink or [LGBTIA+] or both, you're really careful, because it can go way bad. So you talk about boundaries. You talk about consent. You talk about safe words. You talk about aftercare before, during and after. You talk about contraception. You talk about safe sex. You talk about what you like and what you want. And you do that very clearly because you do not want that to go bad because it can go really bad because it's adventuresome,” McWilliams said.

McWilliams also noted that when he is usually talking about sex education — and especially in regard to kink and fetish culture — he is often speaking to a heterosexual audience. In his experience, McWilliams said he has noticed that they often do not have these conversations before sex, which can lead to misconceptions surrounding the fetish community.

“Your perception of people doing [fetish and kinky stuff] is that there's something off with them, they're wrong or they're strange or whatever you wanna call them. And are sexually abused or whatever box you want to put them in,” McWilliams said.

“But that's actually not the truth. The truth is that's how you learn more about communicating healthy sexuality. And they're changing the nature of love and relationships in a fundamental way,” McWilliams said.

Now you may be wondering, there seems to be a lot of explicit sexual acts being performed at such an event, is there actual sex involved? No, not at all.

“It's not about sex. It's about communication, acceptance and radical body autonomy,” McWilliams said.

Communication, acceptance and radical bodily autonomy were precisely the themes observed at the Fetish Ball over the weekend. Moreover, no mysterious characters were making out in the corner or exchanging sex acts in the bathroom. Trust us, we checked.

There are a couple of rules that need to be followed at such an event. A dress code of formal or fetish wear was advertised on the flier and all genitalia had to be concealed. The ballroom at the Eagle looked like any other dance floor at a bar. Except here, ball-goers were seen adorning lingerie, scantily clad fishnets, latex, barbed wire bras, harnesses and masquerade-esque face coverings.

The dance floor was full of party-goers dancing and laughing with friends, supporting one another and having fun together. The Fetish Ball, and other events like it, allow members of the Bozeman community to come together and outwardly express themselves in an environment free from judgment, hatred and misconceptions.

While many people may only perceive the explicit nature of the ball, it is not about engaging in sex. Instead, it focused on creating an atmosphere where individuals felt free to be themselves without judgment.

One ball-goer, Tesla Alquinson, put it beautifully. “Well, I was already living it [fetish culture] in my house. So I felt like this is great. The fact that I could be in public, I could be alive,” Alquinson said.

The Fetish Ball hosted a few performers, including rope self-suspension by “BlueKD,” “Bad Burlesque” by drag queen “Alotta Hull,” “Want Popcorn?” by “Bean” and “catwag,” self-bondage by drag king “Rex Pistols” and finally, a rope performance by “Qarnivore” and “Ropemantic.”

While most of the mini-performances' names are self-explanatory, “Want Popcorn?” stood out. “So it's a very fun, lighthearted impact scene. So impact is basically if you hit somebody with something, then it makes an impact. We’re doing a really cute spanking sampler with some of the implements you might find at Erotique,” Bean said.

Overall, the Fetish Ball brought together a diverse community showcasing a unique blend of self-expression, acceptance and a celebration of individuality. Beyond the initial intrigue and misconceptions about the fetish culture, the event emphasized fundamental principles like radical bodily autonomy, acceptance and communication.

The theme of acceptance is a pillar of the community, which each member carries with them. “Metaphorically, once you come through that door, there's no turning back. As freaky as you think you are, you're gonna go there, somebody's gonna be freakier. Guaranteed,” McWilliams said.

Throughout the evening, the atmosphere was one of open-mindedness, creativity and inclusivity. By fostering understanding and dispelling stereotypes, the Fetish Ball contributed to breaking down stigmas surrounding the LGBTQIA+ and fetish communities. “Bozeman is out of the closet, I think it’s wonderful,” Fetish Ball attendee Ernie Noble said.

Ultimately, the Fetish Ball served as a testament to the power of creating safe spaces for marginalized communities to express themselves freely. In doing so, they challenged societal norms and also created space for folks to find a sense of belonging, acceptance and joy. The Fetish Ball — with its vibrant performances and diverse participants — demonstrated the strength of unity in diversity and the importance of fostering understanding and acceptance in our communities.

If you are interested in joining the fetish community or even just want more info surrounding the event, visit the Oh Hi Collective EventBrite or keep up with them on Instagram.

EventBrite: https://www.eventbrite.com/o/oh-hi-collective-48477593263 

Instagram: @ohhicollective