Starbux manager hosts event for liberal arts students seeking employment

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers and should not be construed as truth.

As the spring semester nears its end, many soon-to-be graduates wonder if their degree will really provide employment opportunities. There are few areas of study more easily dismissed for this reason than the liberal arts — a blanket term encompassing history, philosophy, English and more. 

In hopes of dispelling this myth and inspiring the next generation of innovators, the Bozeman Starbux General Manager Hasan Biker hosted a live event in the Strand Union Building Ballroom A on Friday, March 28. In an hour-long address to the crowd, he discussed his story and highlighted the variety of career opportunities offered by the organization.

“You are all the future, and the future is now,” he said in his opening remarks to the crowd. Biker, who graduated from MSU in 2018 with a degree in gender dance theory, said there are no limits for liberal arts majors post-college.  

“After graduating from MSU, the world was my oyster,” Biker said. “I immediately moved back into my parents' house in Bozeman, where I spent the next three years honing my intellectual and civic capacities.” 

Biker was so busy with these vital pursuits — watching political TikToks and attending bi-monthly protests — that he forewent any employment. “It was one of the hardest sacrifices I’ve ever had to make,” he said.

In 2021, Biker’s parents retired to Florida, forcing him to apply for jobs. According to him, this traumatic experience shaped him into the courageous and strong-willed individual that he is today. “I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy, and to tell the truth, I was terrified. But the fact remains: You can’t be brave if you’re not scared,” he said. 

Shortly after applying, he was hired by Starbux — an achievement he credits to his incredible wit and profound insight into socio-cultural issues.  

“I stared intently at the hiring manager and asked: When are we gonna start talking about the political and economic state of the world? He looked at me blankly, dumbfounded by my insightfulness. After following up four times, I got the job,” Biker said. 

He quickly climbed the ranks and became the general manager just two years later, a position he has remained in since. Biker said that he hopes that his story will inspire liberal arts students who are uncertain about their future.

Louise Owens is one such student, currently finishing up her philosophy of gender-neutral aesthetics degree. She expressed overt confusion about Biker's remarks. “My rent is already through the roof, and my landlord plans to raise it this summer. I need answers — not some pretentious douche telling me to pour lattes for a living,” she said.

However, Biker insisted on the socio-cultural significance of lattes. The event even featured a slideshow displaying some different works of latte art he had created. 

“This is my magnum opus,” he said, directing the audience to a photo of a broken foam heart resting atop a cappuccino. “It represents the pain and sorrow I feel for marginalized communities — the sheer guilt that possesses me. I’m at least speaking up about it, are you?” 

Next week, the Jake Jabs College of Business & Entrepreneurship will host a “Pyramid Scheme Workshop,” where students can learn to design and sell self-help courses that detail the value of hard work, discipline and trust funds.

Students can learn more about the realistic job fairs held at MSU on www.soyouneedajob/montana.edu.