Super Bobcat? A mystery player saves basketball season from certain doom

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece. It does not necessarily represent the views of the Exponent or its writers and should not be construed as truth.

MSU men’s basketball will play at least one more game thanks to the heroics of mystery player Bobb Catt during Tuesday’s game against the University of Northern Colorado (UNCO) Bears. Catt entered the game shortly after Head Coach Mattias Logiais got ejected from the sideline in the second half. 

For the Bobcats, who came into the contest as 10-point underdogs, a win would mark yet another step towards the first-ever four-peat in Big Sky Conference (BSC) Championship history. 

After a sluggish start in the opening minutes, MSU was down 24-9 with just eight minutes remaining in the first half. A quick change in the lineup, mainly focused on defending the Bears’ strong inside attack, allowed the ‘Cats to get back in the game.

The Bobcats ended the half on a 12-4 run, cutting into UNCO’s lead 33-25 going into the locker room.

“Coach just told us to keep our focus, keep chipping away, keep defending,” guard Cross Ovah said. “Eventually, something will give and we can have a chance to come back [in the game].”

However, not even Ovah, who is in his fourth year playing for the ‘Cats, could have predicted what came next.

With just a little under five minutes passed in the second half, Ovah drove into the paint for a layup that would have cut the ‘Cats deficit to just three points. However, he was fouled hard by a host of Bear defenders, drawing the ire of Logiais towards the officials after they didn’t call a foul.

Rather than hear Logiais' argument, the officials tossed him out of the game, leaving MSU without its head coach. 

Suddenly, the ‘Cats got a new sub off their bench. A player named Bobb Catt — who was obviously just Logiais wearing a fake beard — had entered the game.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about. We’ve had Catt for the whole year,” Ovah said. “The guy has just had terrible injury luck all season. Thankfully, he was available for us tonight — we needed him.”

Using his superior basketball intellect, Catt destroyed the Bears. What began as an uphill climb from a large scoring deficit quickly turned into one of the largest victories in MSU history.

The Bobcats went on to win 100-56, with Catt recording 47 points, 23 assists, 34 rebounds, 11 steals and 14 blocks. Ovah added 23 points and 12 assists, along with five rebounds and three steals.

“Those guys were incredible; the way they played tonight just shows who they are as players and as individuals,” Logiais said. “We needed every bit of juice those guys provided tonight to overcome our slow start.”

Logiais refused to answer any questions about the mysterious player Catt, who appeared to vanish into thin air right after the game ended.

MSU will now prepare to face University of Montana for the BSC Championship on March 12, with bragging rights in the age-old rivalry on the line for the ‘Cats.

“We’ll be ready for whatever the Griz decide to throw at us, so don’t count us out yet,” Logiais said with a wink. “Those guys over in Missoula aren’t ready for what we’ve got coming.”

Even if things don’t immediately go as planned for the Bobcats, fans can rest easy knowing that Bobb Catt might save the day once again.

To check the men’s basketball roster, visit https://msubobcats.com/sports/mens-basketball/roster.